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Married to a Narcissistic Person - Breaking Free  E-mail


Hi Maria,

I am in dire need of help. My confusion is so overwhelming at this state in the relationship that I am even hesitant to ask for it or admit that I need it, but I have been educating myself privately on narcissism several months now and it did not take more than reading the first couple of sentences of the very first article regarding the symptoms and behavours of a narcissist that I realized I was dealing with something far more serious than I realized. Well actually I knew I just couldn't explain or understand or except what I was enduring.

I am sure I do not have to tell you how dead on you are in your description of your life with a narcissist. I am currently feeling so very depressed and scared because I have literally begun to hate myself. I have never experience such hate. What is motivating me more than ever to break free is the effect it is starting to have on my loved ones, espeacially my children. I see myself acting like my partner does more and more. This is not me. I am not wiling to let this relatonship take me down, there is absoulutley no form of balance in my life anymore. I have been with my narcissist about ten years and the mental and emotional abuse is at it highest.

I am very eager for your feedback. Please note that i have been searching for help with gaining back some control. I have been through also other tragedies, I am not sure I can get out of this by just walking away and feeling the heartache, even with knowing what i know now.

Thank you for creating this website.

 

___________

The goal of this website is to give support to people who are feeling depressed and unhappy with their lives. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

____________

Maria's Reply:

Married to a Narcissistic Person - Breaking Free

 

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. I am glad that you have been searching for information about these topics and that you have found this website. Based on your letter it is clear that you are not happy with your relationship. Even if you were not dealing with a narcissistic person, your unhappiness is big enough reason to start to do something about the situation. By writing your letter you have taken the first step towards the recovery.

You said you have started to dislike the way you are acting nowadays. When people spend several years together (in your case a decade) it is quite common that they start to exhibit similar behavioral traits. It is not uncommon to see for example college roommates or very close friends start to use similar verbal expressions. It is not surprising that you have started to act in similar fashion as your husband. The most important thing is to recognize the problem, only then one can start to work on solving it. Your insight regarding your situation seems very clear. You said you have been reading about narcissism and based on what you have read, you are convinced you are dealing with a narcissistic person. You are the one who knows your husband the best and if you see several narcissistic traits in him, then it is quite likely that you are correct.

A narcissist can only seldom change his ways. If you are feeling unhappy in your relationship and if the matters that are making you unhappy have been present for several years, it is quite clear that you should not let the situation continue as it is. I do not know if you have tried to talk to your husband about the matters that are bothering you. If you have and there has been no improvement, you could try to ask him if he would go to counseling together with you (of course you should only do this if you wish to continue the relationship with him). If he refuses to go, there is not much you can do. In that case you only have two options left: You can either stay with him and accept that most likely the things remain unchanged, or you can leave and find a peace of mind alone, away from his negative influence.

Dear Friend, you alone know your situation in detail and so you alone can decide what is the right way to go from here. You said in your letter that you feel there is no balance in your life and that you are experiencing extensive emotional abuse in your relationship. These are quite serious warning signs that should not be ignored. You are not mentioning many details in your letter, however based on the things you do mention, I would not recommend you to remain in this kind of a relationship if your husband is unable to change his ways. I do not know if you have already been to see a counsellor. If you have not, I warmly recommend you to consider seeing one, a counsellor can help you to deal with your painful emotions and decide what you should do next. The most important thing is that you do not allow your situation to continue like this.

Please write to me anytime you wish. You are not alone.

Warm hug,

Maria

 

It helps to know we are not alone. To read more stories of people who are experiencing problems in a relationship, visit section Personal Stories.

____

 

If you wish to submit your own story to get feedback and support or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, please send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 

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