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Hurting after Divorcing a Narcissistic Husband - How to Move On?  E-mail

 

Dear Maria,

I am writing because I have lived with a narcissist for the past twenty years. Although I know leaving me is the best thing he could do, he still has a way to get his own way in situations. I would love not having to deal with him again however I have children by him and I have to always think of their needs above anything else, which means I have to have regular contact with him and things like birthdays, communions etc have to include him. The pain he has caused on many levels has completely distroyed me and I feel close to suicidal at having to spend any amount of time with him. My concerns also remain with my children and his brainwashing ways. I really want to insure that they grow up as stable as possible, but how do I do this while they have a right and need to see there dad? I have a lot of healing to do. I don't know if I am making much sense in my queries, but I do know that our family is quite traumatised by these events.

Is there any advise you can give me?

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are feeling depressed and unhappy with their lives. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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Maria's Reply:

Hurting after Divorcing a Narcissistic Husband - How to Move On?

 

Dear Friend,

I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Because you have children with this man he will always be part of your life in some form, however you do not have to allow him to keep influencing your life in a negative way. I believe that as your children grown older they will see the true personality of their father. Have you been talking to a professional counselor about your feelings? If you have not yet done so, I warmly recommend you to go to see one, a counsellor can help you to cope with your painful emotions and also give you practical ideas as to how to deal with your husband.

You have endured mistreatment for twenty years, do not allow this man to keep complicating your life also in the future. You have your whole life ahead of you, the most important thing is that you are now free of this person who has made you miserable for so long. If you are forced to meet him due to family occasions (birthdays etc), try to handle the situation calmly and avoid getting into unpleasant conversations with him. If you have a chance to go to see a counsellor, he/she can give you advise also regarding how to deal with your husband during such occasions. If your husband is trying to control you and your life, tell him kindly but firmly that you have your own life now and that you make your own decisions. If he is trying to deliberately complicate your life in excessive amount, I recommend you to go to talk to a lawyer to see how you can prevent him from causing you more harm.

Dear Friend, I know you are hurting much at this moment, but please try to maintain a positive attitude. Do not allow this man to drag you down with him, you deserve so much better in your life than what he has provided you with. If you have a depressing moment, remind yourself that you are now free of this person and that from now on the quality of your life starts to improve. I strongly advise you to go to talk to a counsellor about your negative feelings, I sincerely believe it will help you. Many people have been through what you are now going through and they have survived and recovered. You will recover too, you just need to give yourself enough time to heal.

Remember that you are not alone. Please write to me whenever you feel like it.

Warm hug,

Maria

It helps to know we are not alone. To read more stories of people who are experiencing problems in a relationship, visit section Personal Stories.

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If you wish to submit your own story to get feedback and support or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, please send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 

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