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How to Break Safely Free from a Narcissistic Spouse  E-mail


Hi Maria,

I have been reading your articles on your other website such as "How to Manipulate a Narcissist" and have found them very informative and helpful.

Please help me or lead me in the right direction regarding my situation... I am in a relationship with a narcissist. We have two children together and he displays each and every sign of a typical narcissist.  He has threatened me against leaving and I am afraid to even mention us breaking up as an option. How do you end a relationship with a narcissist safely, by letting them think it was their idea, without inciting their wrath?

I hope to hear from you soon.


The goal of this website is to give support to people who are feeling depressed and unhappy with their lives. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.


Maria's Reply:

How to break safely free from a narcissistic spouse


Dear Friend,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I can understand that you feel afraid to leave your narcissistic spouse after hearing his threats. You are the person who feels your spouse the best. If you feel your spouse is the kind of a person who can get violent towards you, do not do anything that might trigger such behavior in him. On the other hand, you cannot remain with your spouse for the rest of your life only because you fear of the consequences of leaving him. You need to seek help.

I recommend you to go to see a counselor to talk about your situation in detail and get emotional support and advice regarding how to deal with a person like your spouse. You are not telling much about your situation so I cannot give you any specific advice regarding how you should behave with your spouse. The most important thing is not to deliberately anger your narcissistic partner, for narcissists can become very vengeful when angered.

I also recommend you to go to meet a lawyer to find out how you can best protect yourself if you decide to separate from your spouse. If your spouse has been behaving violently towards you, you have good chances of having a sole custody of your children. Even if your narcissistic spouse would have visitation rights, it is better for children when they can spend majority of their time with you, in a happy and balanced environment instead of living constantly with a narcissistic father.

As I said, I do not know the details of your situation, however I do recommend you to take action and not to let things continue as they are now. It is clear you are not feeling happy and comfortable in your relationship, otherwise you would not have decided to write to me. It is not easy to end a relationship with a narcissist, but it is definitely doable. I strongly recommend you to put your own happiness and the happiness of your children as a priority and start the process of breaking free by going to see a counselor and a lawyer to get emotional and legal support and to learn exactly where you stand.

Please write to me whenever you wish. I will help you and support you any way I can. You are not alone.

Warm hug,



It helps to know we are not alone. To read more stories of people who are experiencing problems in a relationship, visit section Personal Stories.



If you wish to submit your own story to get feedback and support or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, please send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it


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